Hey! I’ve been away for a while again. I found that, although I have had MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF FREE TIME during this past winter break, I could not bring myself to start up posting again. I have recently discovered an article, however, which has helped remind me why I like to write at all: “Writing Your Way to Happiness” By Tara Parker-Pope of the New York Times. I like spilling my mind onto the paper (I keep a journal as often as possible) so that I can look at it. Then I like to put it away and forget about it. Then I love going back to edit things while reminding myself of where I’ve been. There’s a calming quality about that. It’s like, if I can organize my thoughts on the paper, I may also be able to add more definition to the modge-podge of experiences that is life. This reflection also helps me put my “tragedies” into perspective. What I thought of as my Titanic disaster at the time later turns out to be a little leaf sinking to the bottom of a puddle along my path to something else. The end-of-the-world brand of broken hearts end up being more like the chipped edge of a teacup which I can still drink out of.
Recently, my Titanic was being denied the experience of spending a semester abroad. I found out only a month before I was set to leave (visas ordered, plane tickets bought, things notarized…). I felt guilty for feeling so broken over it, but in fairness it had been a dream of mine from before I even began college almost four years ago. I had spent those years dreaming about it and telling everyone, and I spent all of last semester jumping through loops and paying all of the necessary fees (every time, only just barely able to pay the bills). My heart was definitely in it! And I felt so proud that I had done all of that work all by myself. It’s taking longer than I expected to get over it, though I am better than I was. I’m trying very hard not to be bitter about having had all that time and money go to complete waste. I’m trying to gracefully accept the perpetual advice, “Maybe there’s a reason you were supposed to stay back” (true though it may be). I want to get geared up for this semester without begrudging my own presence here. I have work to do. I need to move on. I do not have time to continue to have bad irritated moods or tear up when I think about it. I still can’t figure out why I haven’t gotten out of this funk yet when it’s been a month since this all blew up in my face. It’s not like someone died now, is it? But when I think about other places or see that a friend has had a wonderful adventure somewhere else, I can’t help but notice my heart aching a little. I feel a little cheated, I think. Perhaps this feeling will further dissipate when classes begin and I have something else to care about, like good grades. I hope so. I’m tired of feeling sad and angry and jealous, and I’ve got to stop taking my frustration out on my loved ones. I need this Titanic to become a little leaf in a puddle soon.
Too much? Perhaps. Buy maybe this’ll help me just get a move on already. It’s time. If you’ve gotten this far, thanks for bearing though it!
Anyway. Back to that article! I completely believe in the power of reflective writing to help you change your perspective on your world. I’ve always been a big fan of journaling for that reason. To accentuate my zeal for journal-keeping, here is a list of 101 Reasons to Write a Journal. I highly recommend. Though, if you’re on here at WordPress writing your own blog already, I’m probably just preaching to the choir. Write on, friends, and be happy.