I’m having problems, but not problems like the people in the movie Biutiful, which I just watched last night.
Ok. What are your problems?
I’m not doing well enough. At anything.
My jobs. My social life. Communication. Family. Planning ahead. Saying the right thing. Staying awake when I’m supposed to be awake. My classes. Everything.
Oh? This is…quite serious. It sounds like you’re…
What? But really. My own inadequacy is overwhelming.
So no one came out and told you that. Interesting. Do you suspect that everyone else is better?
But I think they are.
Stop. They’re not. You’re struggling along amidst a group of millions of people who are struggling along and their impressions of their interactions with you (if there are any) will not be enough to make them really notice or shun you for these things. You can’t compare yourself to them because you’re not them and they’re not you. They probably think the same about their own problems most of the time. They just generally hide it from the public like you do. Some of them may even think that you’re the one who has it all together.
Well. They’re crazy if they think that. It’s just…
Stop being a perfectionist. Be comfortable with the struggle. Do your best. Carry on along with the rest of the other humans, have confidence in what you do, and forgive yourself for not being next-to-God perfection (read: get over yourself).
In response to the Daily Post’s prompt, I Have Confidence in Me:
It reads: “Are you good at what you do? What would you like to be better at?”
But what is it, exactly, that I do? The most accurate response I can think of for that is that “I do me.” My own particular flavor of me that is unique to me only. I’ve got:
- a whole lot of learning (as a student learning to be a teacher, that’s kind of the basis for my entire life)
- Galatians 5:22-23
- a couple dashes of sisterhood
- a generous handful of daughter-hood
- a heap of friendship
- impatience (no time to care about how much)
- enough coffee for a daily serving
- a cloud of pensiveness
- a heavy dusting of authorship
- a heart-full of love, generosity, and kindness with a ratio of 4:2:2
- various measures of stubbornness and inner stability
These are just some of the first things that come to mind. No matter how confident I am in them, there will always (*always*) be space for me to be better at them.
For today’s Daily Post prompt, “Oil, Meet Water,” we are to talk about someone in who’s close to us but also the least like us. In this case (almost obviously), it is my boyfriend. The rest of my friends are a collection of people who are like-minded or like-mannered because that’s how friendships generally happen. My boyfriend, however, is more louder, braver, sillier, and more clever than I am. His sass level is often also much higher (very, very high), but I have moments where I can even match him. Sometimes people like to tell us that we even each other out or that we complement each other, which is a pretty apt observation. Without consciously trying, he makes me more outgoing and I’m an anchor point for him (in a good way–I think).
I think that the best reason for why our relationship works out is because we knew each other intellectually before we ever started dating. Before meeting him, friends would ask me what I was looking for. I kept telling them that I wanted someone who was smart and who could talk to me about smart things to help make me smarter, too (read in this way also: someone who likes to read books a lot and discuss them). Would you believe that people actually told me that I wouldn’t find someone like that? I kid you not! More than once, I was warned that I might have to settle for someone who doesn’t value academics and the written word like I do. I resisted at first, but after a while I almost started to believe it…and then I met the one who impressed me. What’s more, with him I felt more like myself than I did with anyone else (even though I had just met him).
A week after our first time “hanging out,” he left to study abroad in London. For the next eight months, we sent messages every day and Skyped. We talked about everything we could fit into the extensive Facebook messages, and I remember more than once sitting back in my chair to think Wow. If there were a right answer, that would be it. As in, he kept saying things that sounded like it would come from someone I would want to be with. I always looked forward to his messages (even before I began to think about him in a romantic way) to see what he would talk with me about next. This was likely surprising to me because I did not expect to ever be so interested in someone this bright and outgoing…and that sass again!
The first day he came back to my campus to visit me for the first time in about eight months, we began dating. It’s been a little over two years now, and I couldn’t be happier!
Thank you for bearing through this pretty mushy post (if you even made it this far). You have just survived another post with the “opposites attract” cliche tacked onto it. Congrats!